John’s Vacuum Cleaner

John spent his time in hotel rooms
In countless dreary towns
Living a travelling salesman’s life
Doing travelling salesman’s rounds
He was married to Jill – a very nice girl –
And faithful through and through
They were planning for a family
And he had a payrise due

But when Jill left with John’s best friend
He couldn’t accept the fact
He cleaned the house night and day
Just waiting for her to come back
He bought a vacuum cleaner
From the man that lived next door
And spent his nights tidying the rooms
And vacuuming the floor

John’s vacuum cleaner
Was his only friend
John’s vacuum cleaner
His companion to the end
John told of his troubles
As he cleaned up tirelessly
And John’s vacuum cleaner
Hummed in sympathy

The videophone it didn’t work
It got broken in a fight
He tried to fix it once himself
But he couldn’t put it right
The washing machine and the freezer too
Had something wrong with them
And only the vacuum cleaner
Presented no problem

John’s vacuum cleaner
Was his only friend
John’s vacuum cleaner
His companion to the end
John told of his troubles
As he cleaned up tirelessly
And John’s vacuum cleaner
Hummed in sympathy

John was found dead in his car
He didn’t have much of a life
Lost his job, lost his cash
Deserted by his wife
He turned the key, he choked to death
On carbon monoxide
The milkman found his body
The papers called it suicide

And when the police searched his house
They found it bright and clean
With nothing to suggest that his mental state
Was not what it should have been
But in the cupboard under the stairs
Leaning against the wall
They found a vacuum cleaner
That did not work at all